Dear Maureen,
Sometimes you have to close your eyes, and let yourself fall. Sometimes you need blind faith. Faith that everything will fall into its place, faith that each moment is going according to its worldly plan, faith that there is so much more than this, faith in yourself. We can’t always control what happens. I was born of these burdens, but I don’t want them to be burdens anymore, I want them to be opportunities. An opportunity to learn myself, an opportunity to better love myself. An opportunity to better love others.
What differentiates people in this world, is their ability to learn from their burdens, or whether they let those burdens define them.
Dear Maureen,
I hate feeling like this. I hate feeling out of control of my life. I hate feeling insecure and alone. I want to feel safe. I want to feel needed. I want to know that someone thinks the world of me. I want to know that I’m not taken for granted.
I wonder if things will ever change or if I will feel this way my whole life. It makes relationships hard. I always feel I have drawn the short straw, that I am the weaker human. I am tired of feeling weak.
For once, I want to feel invincible. I want to be strong. I want there to be hope in my life that is not diminished as quickly as it came upon me. I want to feel liberated from my fears. I want to inspire people. I want to know that I have made a difference in someone’s life. That I meant something, anything.
I wonder if you were here, what would you say? What wise words would you give? And would it make everything better?
I miss you Maureen.
Dear Maureen,
Im 21 now. I have brown hair and brown eyes, the same shape as yours. We have the same lips. Even our hands are the same. I never knew you. I never knew anything about you except that I’ve been told.
And yet I miss you. I dont even know you but I miss you. I wonder sometimes, if you had of been here, if I had of grown up with you, I would have turned out different. I would have been happier, more well rounded.
Theres a photo of you sitting in our house. Its been there ever since I was a child. We have the same smile. I wonder if you were happy. I wonder if you are happy now. Are you happy where you are? Do you look down upon us? Are you ashamed of me? Do I make you proud?
There are so many things I want to ask you. There are so many things I want to tell you. I know you can’t answer them right away, but maybe one day you will.
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